When I think of the term hangry, I think of Cookie Monster saying "COOKIESSSSS"
This morning I decided to fast. Why? Because it is part of my personal health goals, and in the past when I have fasted for a prolonged period, not only did I look lean but I felt AMAZING. I felt so powerful, that I could overcome the rage of hunger. This morning, however, was to be the first day I have truly fasted (i.e. no coffee to break the fast) for many weeks now, and the results were... interesting.
I felt a lot of resistance to life already this morning. Waking up felt hard. Choosing clothes to wear felt hard. Meditating felt hard. Talking to other people felt hard. Ignoring the pang in my body and mind for coffee felt hard. Getting out the house felt hard. Continuing my Friday morning walk felt very hard.
Then I got home from my walk. Making my coffee felt hard. Choosing new clothes felt hard. Showering felt hard.
At this point, it was around 10:30am, the usual time I would eat my first meal. As I washed my hair vigorously, my mind slipped away into this future scenario, where a friend had died and I was tasked to look after their partner and children. In this scenario, my friend's partner was resistant to me (*insert Alanis Morissette song here*). I suddenly snapped out the thoughts and realised that I was catastrophising, which is the act of thinking about worst case-scenarios. If you want a tool for working through catastrophising, watch this Reel here.
I snapped myself out of that thought pattern, shaking it off with a sigh. Soon enough, I was in another catastrophic thought--this time about my friends being inconsiderate and abandoning me. Then another--about grandparents disproving of having children so "old." And another--about my own future (very non-existent) child dying.
HOLD UP.
How the FCUK did I get here? (excuse my french... and my pun).
Why were my thoughts tunnelling so hard?
I knew deep down that I felt unsafe today, because a boundary of mine within my relationship was gently, easily and consensually being pushed. Sometimes when our body feels unsafe, our thoughts can follow the same pattern. I knew this to be my Ego--the part of humans that is so often misunderstood--whose sole duty is to keep its host safe.
So I was already aware of my Ego presenting itself a little stronger today, but I knew there was something more to it. I was HANGRY.
Not only were my catastrophic thoughts entirely dramatic, the feelings that came with them were of defensiveness, anger, protection--feelings the drive us towards action; actions hunger.
I had a revelation about hangry-ness.
We get irritable, angry, frustrated and annoyed when we are hungry for many reasons:
we believe having an empty stomach is bad
we eat so many carbs that we never feel satisfied
we consume food so often that we mistake the feeling of an empty stomach for hunger
we experience (or crave) comfort so much that any discomfort triggers our Ego,
we continue angry thoughts, rather than being mindful and present, in the face of our Ego.
I see a hungry person being angry that they don't have food like a toddler who throws a tantrum because their dummy is being cleaned. Because they're not getting what they want.
Did you know that as long as we have water we can survive more than 30 days without food? LIKE WHAT?! So if that is the case, why do we get so hung up on our hunger then?
To bring my revelation full circle, the answer is: our Ego combined with a lack of awareness of it.
Like I said earlier, the Ego is a part of the human psyche that keeps us going, that protects us, that serves our continuation and survival--not only as a species but as an individual.
If we believe our body is under threat, if our mind is telling us "I'm hungry," "I'm uncomfortable," "I need food, now," then our Ego is going to step into protective mode, much like this:
The anger sets in, and we feed the anger with catastrophising, desperate, needy thoughts, and the anger grows, and so the thoughts grow, and it becomes a cycle building upon itself of anger.
When you can realise that hunger is separate to anger, anger is separate to the Ego and that you can be in a state of discomfort without lashing out, you have destroyed hangry-ness. You have reclaimed your own power.
Let's be real: it is uncomfortable when you first start pushing past hangry-ness. If you're learning to fast, it can take a week or more to sit with the discomfort without lashing out. Honestly, the act of learning to increase our tolerance for hunger has greater teachings within it: getting comfortable with discomfort, high levels of patience and tolerance, learning to separate your thoughts from emotions and emotional regulation. The benefits are beyond health!
Send this to that person you know that is always hangry!
Much love,
Ash xx
Comentários