This is not just for the bride-to-be. It is super important for everyone to know what is involved in wedding planning so that you can support your friends and family who really have no idea what they're doing. It is so easy to get overwhelmed with how much there is to do and how much research you need to do in order to not get ripped off, because trust me, it is so easy to go over budget if you just say yes to everything! If you're a friend of an engaged person, lend them this advice if they come to you for help or seem frazzled.
First and Foremost: Pick Your Vibe
Most wedding planning will start by telling you to pick a budget and venue, but this is incorrect. You need a basis for all your decision making-- keywords in the form of a question that you can come back to when you start to get overwhelmed or indecisive. My celebrant suggested this to me! Start by asking yourself "How do you want to feel on the day?" or "What vibe do I want everyone to feel (including myself)?"
I picked fun, relaxed, and simple. There are many more keywords that you may choose but don't go above three or four. Do you want your day to be formal, traditional, simple. elaborate, intricate, intimate, exciting, loving?
When you start to feel overwhelmed while planning, ask yourself if what you are doing is related to your keywords. "Is this fun, relaxing and simple?" but insert your own keywords. If the answer is no, step away. "Will this activity add ease to my wedding day, or difficulty?" Keep coming back to this, it will make the process less stressful.
Journal and Wedding Planner Book
Get yourself a separate journal to scribble random creative ideas in, because the inspiration will come. Whether you add these ideas to your wedding or not doesn't matter, you just need to clear your brain of the creativity so you don't obsess, as well as having it in a spot you can come back to when your mind is blank. It's also so fun to come up with creative ideas, write them down, even draw a little. Go to Kmart. Their journals are pretty, sturdy and only $4.
The Wedding Planner is acts as your cemented plans. The journal is the ideas, the scribble, the potential vendors, and becomes messy (just like our brains) but the Planner is a neat book for you to come back to to clearly see what vendors you have, how much budget is left, and more. I got mine from Kmart for $10, but there are more intricate and pretty ones from Kikki K and the like.
You could even go as far as having a mood board for your ideas and goals, but don't make extra work for yourself.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind
Everything wedding related needs to go in a room or desk that isn't seen all the time. You can quickly spend all your spare time scrolling on Pinterest if you're constantly reminded of the wedding via your Wedding Planner lying on the kitchen bench or bedside table.
Set Specific Times to Talk Wedding
Do NOT talk your partner's ear off every spare minute you get about wedding plans. Whether you're stressed or excited, your whole relationship cannot revolve around the wedding for the next 6, 9, 12, 24 months. Just like parents in a relationship, your spare time with your partner cannot only be talking about your kids. There is more to life!
Set aside an hour or so each week at a time that suits you both. Think of it as a date. Ensure both of you know when by asking "Hey, can we hang out alone on Saturday arvo, maybe around 3pm and chat wedding ideas?" You sit down with a cup of coffee, relaxed on the lounge, no distractions, asking each other what you each imagine the ceremony/reception/photography/music/night before/guest attire/transport to look like. Try not to cover too many topics, just enjoy the imagination, conversation and connection with your partner. Eventually, you'll need these less frequently (not dates, just wedding chats--dates are still essential, even in married life).
Pick a Budget
Realistically, most weddings will be above $10 000, unless you choose an intimate wedding (20 people or less), to elope or get married at the registry office. Trust me on this one. If you don't have this kind of money yet and know your family won't make financial contributions, choose to have a long engagement. There is no point stressing about if you can afford to have fun on the weekend because you're saving for a wedding--ridiculous and regretful.
When you pick a budget with your partner, know this it is never a fixed number. It needs to be flexible either side, knowing that you could potentially spend a couple grand more or a couple grand less. Make sure you and your partner clearly understand this. Money is a huge area that couples can struggle to agree on--one may be frugal and another may have expensive taste. Keep in mind how much particular types of weddings cost as well as each others financial beliefs and situation. Come to a compromise.
I have kept track of everything I am spending on the wedding, mainly to show you so you can see my initial budget vs. what we actually spent, as well as what we spent money on and how much to expect each item to cost.
Date
Don't rush to pick your date. Let yourself breathe for a minute, and enjoy your engagement. I rushed my date choice out of the desire to get in and get the planning sorted, as well as allowing outside influence to mess with my decision making. People will ask you ALL the questions right away. Don't be afraid to say "I don't know yet, we're thinking about it still" to everything they ask. People will insert their judgements and opinions anyway--just take it with a grain of salt. Nod politely, and even change the topic of conversation if it gets too annoying. Know that these people mean well.
Just know that if you want to book vendors, even to enquire for pricing with photographers, celebrants, or try on wedding dresses, they will ask for a date. This is so they can check whether or not they're booked out already (i.e. if you're wasting your time) and to ensure the wedding can be made, shipped, and altered in time.
And more...
There is PLENTY more planning involved so I will be breaking these blog posts into 2 or 3 parts, maybe even 4. We shall see! I want to talk about each individual vendor, the expected costs, questions you need to ask, and how to get the best value. If you're the planner, be sure to take a breather! Get outside, some water--time away from thinking.
If there is anything specifically you want me to talk about related to wedding planning, shopping, and researching, message me so I can add it to the next post.
Comments