Since I was little, money has been a topic that manifested stress throughout my entire body. I grew up believing I was poor, because my parents believed that they were, and because they believed their childhoods were poor and their parents believed the same and so on.
Now, I want to preface this by saying that perhaps along the way, my ancestors were truly poor, especially those of whom I know came from a second-world country, one filled with lots of invasion and governmental turmoil.
That being said, there is a difference between being "poor" and struggling financially. To me, this is a mindset issue and a poor (suns out, puns out) use of the English language. The definition of poor in relation to financial turmoil is "lacking sufficient money to live at a standard considered comfortable or normal in a society" and "people with little money."
We were always comfortable. We had a roof over our heads and food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, atop the snacks and dessert. That was and still is the norm (or rather, common living situation) of our society in Australia. We always had money in the bank, we always had a small bit of savings or enough to cover our expenses, and if we didn't, my parents had a fall back--either sell something of value or borrow money from their parents and pay it back, not to mention any credit cards. It is a privilege, albeit not a wise financial decision, to be able to receive approval for a credit card.
I always had toys, I always got presents, I always had good shoes without significant damage and when my school shorts had holes in them, my Mum replaced them, even if they were my favourite pair of school shorts.
Now, my intention for this post was to reflect on what I learned from tracking my income and expenses every day for 21 days, but it has turned into something much more important: a reminder of privilege.
Middle class white people hate that word (remembering that I am both white and middle class) because it can make us feel like our struggles are invalid. That could not be farther from the truth. Don't take "privilege" personally. It was the card you were dealt, a very valuable and rare card, like a Charizard (Pokemon reference. If you understand this you were either a tomboy 2000's kid, a parent or a nerd).
We can also make the P word mean that we haven't worked hard to get where we are, that we just fell into our successes. For some, that is true. There's a reason there's a saying "it's who you know and not what you know." To this point of view, I'd like to remind you of cognitive dissonance: that two opposing ideas can be true at the same time. Yes, you did work hard to get where you are AND you have been lucky to have that opportunity in the first place. You ARE a strong, wise, smart, person who learned how to be that way on your own accord AND your circumstances allowed you to be so.
Privilege is something to be grateful for, not to be ashamed or afraid of. Once you understand your privilege and acknowledge it, you can learn to be grateful for all that you have. You stop holding yourself back. Yes, you will have struggles and you will suffer, perhaps the gravity of that suffering feels more important than others' suffering too. Allow yourself to feel those feelings, to have a cry and let it out. And always, always come back to remembering how lucky you are.
We are lucky to be born in Australia.
We are lucky to live in Australia.
We are lucky to have easy access to food all the time.
We are lucky to have a bank account.
We are lucky to be reading this on a phone or laptop.
We are lucky to have a phone or laptop.
We are lucky to have gone to school.
We are lucky to be buying Christmas presents for others.
We are lucky to be able to have friends. We are lucky to have living family, even if that family is chosen family.
We are lucky to worry about if that person likes us or not.
We are lucky to have anxiety about everyday tasks.
We are lucky to think about our body image.
We are lucky to jokingly call ourselves poor.
When your head is a mess, you're down in the muck and you feel stuck, remember all that you have to be grateful for. Practising gratitude or recognising how lucky and privileged you are on a regular basis is one simple way to reframe your mindset and that effect spills out into all areas of your life.
Challenge your ancestral trauma. Challenge the beliefs of your parents. Challenge what you think you know and stop living in default mode: reframe your mindset to how you want it to be. If you want to know how to figure out the person you want to be or why you're not reaching your goals, I highly recommend you read my previous blog post When Your Goals Seem Too Far Out of Reach.
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