Let us call Valentines Day what it really is...
An opportunity for companies to make money off the idea that we aren't loved enough, or shown love enough. Is that necessarily true? No. I think, just like social media, Valentine's Day propagates a message of "not enough."
It tells women that we aren't loved enough, given enough, and it tells men they aren't good enough at loving us. Any real ass woman will know that it's not flowers or chocolates we want, but consistent support, love, care and a teency bit of attention. Put simply, to be thought of.
But do you want to know the real truth?
(brace for impact...)
We can't fully receive, appreciate or truly believe any of that love until we learn to give it to ourselves.
If you're thinking, "okay but what does that actually mean? it sounds like another phony message on a Kikki K journal..." hear me out.
If a stranger says to you "oh my god you're so beautiful!" do you believe it and thank them? Or do you dismiss the comment as a polite gesture, maybe returning the comment or dismissing it altogether?
If your partner says to you "you don't need make-up or to wear spanx/skims, I love you just as you are," do you believe them?
Do you stop wearing make-up now?
Do you throw out your spanx?
Do you feel confident and beautiful from that comment alone?
No?
It's common not to have profound change from one comment like that, and it's not because you are not beautiful, nor loved. It is because you do not believe that you are beautiful. That stranger and your partner are not liars, they just believe and see differently than you do.
So if the key to feeling loved is to see and believe that we are loved, how the f*ck do we get there?
We start with developing a kinder, more loving relationship with ourselves.
We show ourselves that we deserve to come first. The first thing we do in the morning is for us, and no more sacrificing a nice warm bath to work overtime (let alone working while we're in the bath).
We develop an inner voice that speaks kindly to us, that holds us when we struggle, that loves us when we need it, and that knows how to lovingly turn away those negative thoughts.
We learn to hold our own gaze in the mirror and see the beauty on our face, our bodies. To embrace the body parts that we've hated for so long. To feel loved by our own mind and heart.
This is work that I've been doing for a long time. Pregnancy has expanded my love for my body, which from what I hear is the opposite of how most women feel.
I hope this message inspires you to find ways to expand those feelings of love and worthiness from the inside out this Valentines Day, rather than from anything or anyone external.
As always, I will continue to share tools and experiences that help you deepen love for yourself on this blog and on my social media.
Ash xx
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