Everybody has insecurities, whether you want to believe it or not. We are all humans after all. Just because someone says what they think or wears what they want or spends lots of money does not mean that they go without insecurity.
There are many different areas which we can be insecure: financially, socially, sexually, of our body image, of our intellect, in relationships. Please feel free to add more to the list! Let me repeat myself--not one single person is immune to this. Before we can learn to be less insecure, we need to know what insecurity means.
Insecurity: What It Is and How It Presents Itself
Insecurity is defined two different ways. The first is "uncertainty or anxiety about oneself" and the other is "the state of being open to danger or threat." I would say that both equally fit for what we're talking about. When your body believes you are open to danger or threat, you enter fight or flight mode, a.k.a anxiety. I'll give you a example.
On the weekend, I ran into a girl that sparks a LOT of insecurity in me in different areas. When I realised she was there, I went into a panic mode--my heart was beating fast, I started to get angry and sad at the same time, my body wanted to run. My partner was aware of it and asked me if I wanted to leave. Initially I said yes. I wanted to do anything to get rid of that feeling, yet after a couple of minutes, I changed my mind. I chose to stay, to face my insecurities and learn HOW to face them spontaneously. I knew that if I gave into my fear (went home), I would end up feeling worse than if I was to stay. I wouldn't have realised how strong I am that I can be face to face with someone that, unknowingly, hurts me. Next time, I'd even like to have proper conversation with her, push myself a bit more. That's not to say it's easy--what ensued afterwards was a whirlwind of emotion that I'm still trying to process.
I have done lots of work on self-worth and got to a point where I believed I was experiencing true confidence, yet still I was triggered by this girl. So no matter how much work you do, nothing prepares you for the real world and these tests will get thrown at you by the universe to shake you, to push you to grow more (should you choose to accept the challenge).
"You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both"
Brene Brown
It's important to have tools to deal with anxiety when it arises unexpectedly in the moment--it can be shocking and overwhelming, so set yourself up for success. Read my blog post on Ways to Deal with Anxiety next (if you click the link, it will open a new tab--just be sure to finish this current blog post first before diving into that one).
How We Create More Insecurity Within Ourselves (and how to diminish it)
You can also create more fear/insecurity by comparing yourself to other people. In Cassie Mendoza-Jones' book You Are Enough, she suggests that you be aware of who you're comparing yourself to (why them in particular), what it is you're wanting (what is this comparison saying to you--what do they have that you want), and what may be triggering you to feel worse (spending time on social media, thinking negative thoughts about them or yourself, hiding away, or putting off change in your own life). One of the bigger questions to ask is, what do I have that others would want? When you start to acknowledge the qualities that you have to offer the world, you can lift yourself from the heaviness of not feeling good enough as you are.
Once you've answered those questions for yourself (and stay open to more answers coming in) then ask yourself, how can I take action? What can I do to make myself feel better day-to-day? It might look like unfollowing people on social media temporarily, changing the way you talk about your financial situation, learning how to interact socially, learning something new to share with others, embracing your body, listen to podcasts on the topic of insecurity, vulnerability, shame, etc. Honestly, I could write a whole blog post on each individual area because I go through it all. We all do at some point!
If you'd like to know about the books I've read, the people/podcasts I listen to or just advice on the topic of insecurity, self-love and self-worth, send me a message on social media. You're not alone, we're in this together, and the more we ask for guidance or even just to push ourselves to be able to talk about something that scares us, the less alone we feel.
And if all else fails in your comparison against other people, remember that everyone shits themselves at least once in their life.
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