Last night, I had a meltdown. Keep in mind, this is post-health issues (a rash, a UTI, fighting off illness) and pre-menstruation, so you can imagine how my emotions have been lately... #turbulent.
This morning, I woke up with swollen eyes from last nights' tears and started my day a little groggier. I started my morning routine, which is to journal (didn't happen), do yoga (this time, whilst watching Lord of The Rings: Rings of Power, which: highly recommend), and pull two Oracle Cards. The message on this morning's cards summarised were:
Stop forcing. How can you have compassion for yourself today?
Trust in the timing of your healing.
So, without actually knowing how to answer those questions logically, I simply decided that I was going to make today a little different by having an iced coffee instead of a warm one and choosing not to do any work. From here, I felt uncertain, confused, unsure how to go about my day. All I knew is that I needed to get away from everyone and everything. So I went for a walk--a long walk. I took my headphones. I picked the first podcast that was in my library and went out the door on a leisurely stroll.
There was no outcome to be reached by this walk. It was not for fitness--my pace was slow. I chose to make it about me, not about work, or achieving a goal or showing off. I did it because I enjoy it. I enjoy solitude. I enjoy quiet. I enjoy slowness.
And now we get to the part you came for: HAPPINESS.
As I listened to the Do You F***ing Mind podcast by Alexis Fernandez, she talked about how finding inner peace is the key to ANYTHING, and if you are choosing to chase money (which I have been), physical items, or approval from others, even when you get the money, the items and the approval, you will not be happy.
Why?
I realised that happiness does not come from things. Happiness happens in the small moments.
Think about times when you have been at your HAPPIEST, when you have had sore abs from laughing or felt immense gratitude for an exact moment. Really, journal on it--I know I did, and here's what I found:
When have I been happiest? In the small moments. Not getting the job or landing the client--sure they are satisfying and pride inducing, but my HAPPIEST moments, the ones where I feel great bliss or laugh until my abs are sore are spent with family:
When Mum says something silly that doesn't make sense.
When my sister accidentally hurts me and it turns into pretend war, or when she says something funny or we're reminiscing about that time we had a water bottle fight and I sprayed so much water I landed on my arse.
When I nearly beat my brother-in-law in Mario Kart.
When we're having a chill Saturday salad in summer with the fam on the deck.
When my father-in-law has too much port and gets the giggles, and my mother-in-law calls him out for it.
When my soul-friend and I have some banter about my husband.
When my husband is being himself, being silly, doing everyday tasks and making up random songs to himself.
When I see a crazy coincidence or see/hear spirit connecting with me in a sly or humorous way.
When I'm cuddling my husband in dead silence.
The moments I journalled about above can easily go discarded, if I'm not present. I can easily be annoyed by those moments, if I don't surrender to them, and choose to see the beauty.
True happiness, first and foremost, does not come from having the things we think we desire. True happiness does not come from chasing.
True happiness requires presence. True happiness requires experiencing the small moments in life. True happiness is a state of mind that we actively choose to be in. It is an accumulation of little moments, rather than one big achievement.
So my question to you, one which I will be asking myself a lot more, is:
how can I enjoy the small moments today?
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