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Writer's pictureAshley Lopez Herbaut

Commit to Yourself First



I've been going through a growth spurt lately. Like all growth spurts, whilst painful they can also project you in a direction that enables you to surprise yourself, learn something new, grow as a human being, heal old wounds by working on new ones, and more, if you let it.

If you've been following me for a while, you know I love self-care, but as a human I too can put it aside, even when I'm preaching about it, which is why I'm changing it from self-care to COMMITMENT. We want people to commit to us in relationships or work but how can they do that if we don't even know how to commit to ourselves, or who we actually are underneath all the adjustments we make to fit in. I've been asking lately, "How else can to commit to me?"


My first step was in uncovering the real me. I am both strong and sensitive at the same time. I am a fierce protector of others. I love hard but don't show it. I like being vulnerable (and am brave by being vulnerable). I love provocative and mind-expanding ideas. I am a small human (this is the hardest to admit if you really know me, I have small dog syndrome). I can be deadly serious and deadly silly. I don't let my past define me. Creative and imaginative, when I let it show. I have boundaries that I don't always express strongly enough. I respect myself, and hope for that from others. I know my worth, even if others don't. Big nerd. Feminine and masculine. Looking for growth. Spiritual. I want to connect, on my terms. I'm also emotional and feel everything. I ignore my uniqueness. I no longer define myself as a girlfriend, a retail worker, a beauty therapist. These are things in my life, but I define myself just be being true to myself in each moment. There's so much more, and we're just scratching the surface... Now comes the commitment part.


What can I do to be more committed to me? Whether that entails time consuming activities or little changes unnoticeable to others. It's about the inner work. It doesn't matter if other people can't see it. You can. And you're the one spending the rest of your life with you... Here's what I came up with, for me:


- exercise, for the mental, emotional and physical recharge

- yoga, to nurture and recharge

- a bath, to nurture, recharge and rest

- drawing without the aim of perfection to encourage personal expression

- wearing whatever I want to wear, without fear of judgement of others--encouraging my uniqueness and honouring my commitment to me

- telling people I love or appreciate them as soon as I get the urge

- listening to podcasts on mindset, business, relationships, sex, my sense of humour, personal triumphs

- journaling my observations, theories, feelings, new ideas, quotes that resonate with me

- laying still, present, observing how I am in that moment, then breathing it all way

- noticing to my body's reactions, learning not to emotionally react, learn to separate intuition and instinct from simply being triggered

- read inspiring books on people's lives

- pull a card -- they're like Tarot cards but not, for inspiration and to give me an intention for the day

- make independent decisions without others' approval

- asking for help or advice when I need it

- changing my beliefs if they no longer serve me

- talking with integrity--is what I'm saying helpful or harmful, in every moment?

- BREATHE woman, was a tattoo of it not enough of a reminder? 😂

- try new things

- sing

- dance to music when I feel like it

- cry if you need to, but don't wallow in self-pity for too long

- set boundaries, what you will and won't accept, and stand by them

- rest when you need to

- say no if you need to

- say yes if you need to

- do things that ignite your passion, like beauty treatments, reading inspiring stories, pull a card, cook something nutritious or new with effort and love

- sit outside in the sun

- remove those that don't respect you or your needs

- laugh, make fun with your day

- open up the house for fresh air and sunlight

- treat yourself to a muffin and coffee once in a while

- walk away when you need to

- embrace what you like, don't dull or hide it for others' comfort or approval

- keep an open mind as often as possible


These are just 34 ways I can commit to myself. 34 ways I feel refreshed, energised, stronger in my sense of self. I'm ensuring I don't settle for anything less than what I know I deserve. If you have more ideas, reach out to me! Or make your own list that is specific to you. We're incredibly unique, all of us. I hope you take away one thing from this post today, I know one of you needs it too.


The size of list might seem daunting, but the more ways you have readily available to commit to yourself, the less excuses you have not to.


P.S. I don't know if you noticed but halfway through this list it went from telling you what I want to do, to telling myself what I need to do 😂



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