I swear to you, if my middle name wasn't Rebekah it would be "Burnout" or at the very least "Needs-to-be-productive... always."
It's Scorpio season so I'm going to go deep and real for a minute: over-productivity comes from feeling not good enough and the goal is to prove your worth.
There. I said it. Don't hate me, because I'm right here with you. Growing up, I felt like I always had to earn attention, love, pride from my parents, teachers, even my grandparents by being good at something. I remember the gut-wrenching feeling of showing my parents a photo I had traced of Bart Simpson's head, and when they asked if I had drawn it, I said yes (not to mislead them--I was not aware that drawing along the lines of a picture beneath the paper was called "tracing") and when they discovered I had traced it, how their pride disappeared and disappointment ensued. What was such a small insignificant moment to them hurt me deeply. It really charged up that that button of "I'm not good enough."
So I learned to become good at drawing. Something I once loved for fun and creativity became about excelling, about being skilled, about earning someone else's approval. It would get to a point where drawing was not fun anymore, it was simply a task that needed to be finished in order to feel good inside.
This is something I still work through today--to release the need for perfection or to reach the finish line, and instead enjoy the process. The hustle and productivity has not been confined to creative processes, but also my work life and my home life.
In my retail job, I over-worked in the beginning to earn the approval of those managers I looked up to.
In my coaching business, I filled every minute of every day with work to prove that I was worthy of charging the amount of money I charged, or of gaining the trust of potential clients.
In my relationships, I would go over and beyond to make the other person feel taken care of, even if that meant neglecting myself and my needs.
In my home life, when I wasn't working, I filled my time with housework so that I could be worthy of the bit of pocket money my husband gives me, or on a sadder and deeper level, that I was worthy of my husband's love.
Now this has been a bit of a downer, so let me give you some tender loving--it's not all sad. In fact, the moments where we feel our lowest tend to be the biggest catalysts for change.
The other night, my mama-in-law shared a quote with me which read something to the effect of: You are not responsible for the downloads (i.e. conditioning) you picked up in childhood, but you are responsible for the upgrades.
Sure, we're not responsible for the stories and lessons we picked up that lead us to being over-productive "selfless" hustlers, but we are responsible for rewriting that story. Authors who have to do re-writes don't edit their entire book in one sitting--they make little steps every day, little tweaks consistently, and by the time 6 months, 12 months, 2 years has passed, suddenly and shockingly a whole new book is in the palm of their hands. You can do the same too.
The first question I asked myself, which I implore you to ask yourself too, is:
Are you happy with how you move throughout your day? Do you enjoy the process of your day?
Or do you tend to feel exhausted, drained, wishing for that bit of rest to come that never actually comes?
Do you get that point of "rest" at the end of the day and never actually switch off? Perhaps you need the help from a substance to chill out...
I have one simply quick fix for you which I have started doing that has changed the game for me. It won't change your way of being overnight, but if you consistently add this tool to your daily work life, it will give you two things: (1) peace and ease throughout your day, and (2) confirmation and validation that you are indeed worthy of that peace and ease.
And f you have a consistently high level of stress or nervous system dysregulation you will find this hard at first which means you need this tool below more than anyone.
In Atomic Habits by James Clear, he talks about falling in love with the process instead of the goal. So if my goal is to feel more calm, joy, satisfaction, how can I create a process that incorporates this? How can I enjoy the process of my day more? I'll tell you one small what I've started.
At the start of my work day, when I sit down to work, I set a timer for 35 minutes. This is the amount of time that I am completely focussed and dedicated to my work. Once the 35 minutes is up and the timer goes off, I stop what I'm doing right away, and take 5-10 minutes away from my phone (absolutely key) and laptop to recalibrate.
For me, recalibrating looks like: standing in the sun, taking deep belly breaths, standing bare foot on the grass observing nature, slowing down my movements whilst I go heat up some lunch or pee, to stretch, or if I've got a lot of energy very slowly and presently washing the dishes.
Once that 5-10 minutes is up, I sit back down at the table and set the timer for 35 minutes.
The reason this works so well for recovering from or preventing burnout is that when you are consistently putting tools down at the 35 minute mark, regardless of if you're close to finishing that task, is that it teaches you that your mental and emotional wellbeing is more important than finishing a task. More important than work. YOU are more important than work. YOU are worthy of peace, ease, joy, happiness.
There is no benefit to burnout. Even if you get sick, and think "yay, I get a day off!" chances are that you will also be worrying about your work load when you come back to work, or what your co-workers think of you.
So for the next week, I encourage you to set a timer on your phone for 35 minutes at the start of your work day (or study day or housework days). Commit to stopping at that 35 minute mark and walk away, take 10 really deep breaths at your desk, go stand outside and/or drink some water, all without your phone.
If you feel guilty or scared that you'll get in trouble at work, see it as taking a smoko without the cigarette (Chas always says the healthiest thing about smoking is everything but the cigarette). Remember that 1 small step today is 365 steps closer just in one year. Knowing that no matter what life throws your way, YOU come first.
Ash xx
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