I just had a moment outside that I need to share with you all, because these moments seem to happen so rarely.
I was taking a break (from life) outside on the trampoline, eating some watermelon and reading one of my favourite books You Are Enough, when I had a moment of clarity.
It was as if I had stepped out of that moment, and was looking at myself as a stranger, as if I was experiencing this exact moment for the first time, or as if time stood still.
I looked at the piece of watermelon I had just taken a bite from. The watermelon was so red, and the juicy sweetness lingered in my mouth. I looked at the other piece of watermelon on my plate. That one was vibrantly red too! And looked just as delicious.
Then I zoomed out a bit, and got a screenshot of the view from my own eyes: a picturesque, pinterest-worthy image: intermittent sunlight patterns and leafy-shade from the trees casting down upon the pages of the most magnificent book in one hand, a piece of watermelon in the other, another delectable piece waiting on the plate to the right of this cross-legged woman and north-west of her other knee was a cream journal filled with dusty-orange and pink rainbows. I could feel the warmth of the sun, could hear the gentle swaying of tree branches in the wind, the occasional bird and the very-distant humming of cars driving to and fro.
I was ever present, and through this sudden reality-check, I realised how much I truly have.
I realised not only my privilege of this very moment, but more importantly the magnitude of abundance--that I have EVERYTHING my younger self wanted.
My parents never got me that trampoline I desperately dreamed of having all throughout my childhood and teenage years, and now I'm sitting on one. One that I didn't buy. One in the beautiful backyard of a house I call my home, that I pay minimal rent in.
I am eating the most delicious food out in the sunshine in the most enjoyable weather on that trampoline I so dearly craved.
I am going between two things I truly love--reading and writing (in a journal with beautiful art, might I add).
I had just received a notification on my phone too--I didn't look, but I soaked up the gratitude for that too, because chances were, it was someone I love or know wanting to connect with me.
I am in solitude, with a quiet peacefulness in the air, listening to the rustling of leaves on branches.
I noticed the clothes I was wearing--clothes which my younger self would never have had the confidence to wear, cargo pants that even the 21 year old version of me craved.
I looked up a little higher, and I saw the basketball uniforms of my husband hanging on the line, then his work shirts, then his underwear, and then mine. Together. Two people who love each other, connected, sharing, home.
I basked in this feeling some more, and thought back to the last half an hour before coming outside, where I was trying to work on the couch and had the cat make consistent, desperate attempts to be at the centre of my attention, only to settle for uncomfortably crashing his body on the side of my body.
And how, earlier in the day during yoga, he had sat on my back while I rested in Cobra pose, and when it was time for shivasana (laying down), he laid on my belly while I meditated.
I sent my attention back to the watermelon. I noticed how the sun glistened on this red triangular piece of juicy goodness in my hands. I noticed how if I unfocussed my eyes, the glistening sun could look like little specs of light emanating from the watermelon. When I unfocussed more, they looked like hexagonal pieces of glitter. Releasing my focus more, I started to see what looked like swirls, then snowflakes, then cacti.
"Ashley, why are you telling my all this random nonsense?" I hear you ask.
Because how often do we take a step back and look at all the amazing things we have in our lives?
How often do we take a moment to ourselves to all the objects, moments, feelings and people we have in our lives that we WISHED to have when we were younger?
And if you really take a moment, right now, to soak up everything in your view, can you see how you already have everything you wanted, and more?
Maybe you didn't get these objects, or rather what the object represents, the way you wanted to. Maybe you didn't get these things when you wanted to. And maybe you didn't even get the exact thing you originally wanted.
And what if it's better? What if what you've got, when you got it and how you got it is actually better than the way in which you had thought you'd get them? It's even more powerful if you never believe you'd have these *things* in the first place.
We so easily move from one goal to the next, one dream to the next dream, one desire to the next. Living this way is easy to do in a fast-paced, busy world, and is also a sure-fire way to live in disappointment and dissatisfaction. To constantly be chasing the next *thing.* To constantly feel not good enough, wealthy enough, smart enough, capable enough, strong enough, worthy enough.
The solution?
Be here now. Be. Here. Now.
Take that moment, right now, to soak up everything in your view, to acknowledge what these objects represent to you, and lean into that feeling that having that *thing* truly gives to you.
In this space, you will always feel grateful, you will always feel abundant, and you will always have more than enough.
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